


Crosses We Bear

by Ketsia



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Destruction of Krypton, F/F, Strangers, Therapy, death of a child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-28 17:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30143133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ketsia/pseuds/Ketsia
Summary: A weary and tired Kara arrives on Earth at the age of 25. Once, a treasured daughter turned bitter with the sting of betrayal. Alex says she needs therapy. Instead, she talks to “L” once a week on a park bench.Lena, worn down by her family’s legacy and unresolved childhood trauma, seeks a way to redeem herself. Jess says she needs therapy. Instead, she talks to “K” while she feeds the ducks.Together, Alex and Jess struggle with finding a way to help.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Jess, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 15
Kudos: 108





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Not a stranger to writing fanfiction, but this is my first time writing Kara/Lena. Hopefully, y'all enjoy!
> 
> Two content warnings:  
> 1\. There is a forced arranged marriage. However, no rape/non-con.  
> 2\. A child does die. Not violently or graphically though.

**Prologue**

_“Kara, Kara!”_

Krypton had exploded. Despite the distance between the two planets, Kara could see the massive red-orange ball of flames from her small balcony at the royal palace in Daxam. She could see as the remnants of her home planet began to light up the night sky, advancing closer to the place she had lived as an unwelcome guest for the last several years. Behind her, were the sounds of desperate palace servants and the surrounding city thrown into chaos.

_“Kara, Kara!”_

Kara let one slender arm drape over the white railing of her balcony, while the hand of the other cradled her face. Her blue eyes seemed to glow, almost as bright as the fast traveling pieces of her former home.

_“Kara!”_

She was willing and ready to die here.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably some mistakes, but here is chapter 1!

Sometimes when Kara looked at Alex, she got a flash of a memory. The same auburn hair, similar brown eyes (the others gleaming with mischief), a soft baby face that would grow the solid angles of a man’s with time. Twice lost is what comes to mind first. Anger next. And then quickly, that hollow feeling of grief that sinks so low in her chest it makes her feel like crawling into bed and staying.

This morning, it’s Alex’s words that have Kara fleeing out of the front door.

Kara had grabbed doughnuts (she was always so hungry). Alex, coming down from a long night of work, was delighted.

“My better half!” She had joked while moaning over a chocolate covered glaze.

Kara froze and was gone before Alex could even blink.

Alex swallowed the barely chewed doughnut with a cough.

“Shit.”

**_A:_ ** _Are you okay?_

Kara responded almost instantly. It was the same response Alex had always received.

**_K:_ ** _Fine._

***

“You’re here early.”

For the several weeks that Kara has been visiting the park, the raven-haired woman on the other end of the bench had never spoken to her. So, it’s no wonder that Kara looks up and stares at her in shock, her mouth opened in a small ‘O’ shape.

The woman quirks a brow, pale green eyes sparkling with something akin to amusement. Then she looks away, back at the pond where the ducks have now become few as late fall has set in.

“It’s okay,” She begins without looking back. “Sometimes, it’s nice not to be alone here.”

Kara really looks at her then. Her arms are crossed but wrapped so tightly around her that her fingers dig into the deep marron fabric of the blazer that she wears. It makes it seem like she’s hugging herself. Dark strands of hair fall against sagging shoulders.

“What brings you here?”

The woman is still looking away and for that Kara is relieved. She takes a few deep breaths, in and out. It’s something that she really hasn’t been able to talk about with Alex. She cannot handle Alex looking at her…like she knew.

“Well?” Lena asks again. This time pale greens are looking directly into bright blues. As if willing Kara to let the dam break, let it all out.

Kara sighs, it’s a heavy sound. But, again, the woman speaks before she can respond.

“My mother died when I was 4. Her lover wanted to raise me. But,” A weird smile appeared on the woman’s face. One that seemed to come from resignation rather than happiness. “my father. He got his way. He took me from my home in Ireland to his wife and son here. I cannot remember being happy after that.”

It’s not something that Kara understands right away. On Krypton, families were one unit. There were no half-siblings or step-families. It always takes her a moment to fully conceptualize this type of family. The reality that these families are not always connected or happy, is something more familiar. Something she can more easily touch.

“Did they love you?” Kara can already sense the answer in the woman’s silent, unbreaking stare.

“His son, my brother. I thought he did for a long time. But,” She falters, and Kara knows that it is her turn.

“When I was very young, my parents arranged for me to be married to a boy my age. He was the son of my mother’s friend and both of our fathers worked in the same gui-profession.” Kara begins to smile slowly. “Our mothers would tie us together with a rope like the one we would be bound with during a marriage ceremony. As children, it would break before noon.”

Kara closes her eyes then. Each little memory flooding her, until she stops at one in particular. When her eyes re-open, they see green ones watching her closely. Patiently waiting for her to speak again.

“When we were sixteen, we were tied together again to take a…camping trip alone. I took off in a run, forgetting all about him, and felt his hand grab mine as he ran beside me. I felt like, like I could live with it then.”

The woman can feel the unease oozing off Kara.

“What happened?” Because she knows there’s a but to this.

“My uncle needed a favor and he convinced my parents to change their minds. I was married to another man and sent very far away from home.”

“How was the husband?” Lena asks quietly, Like Kara, she can already sense the answer.

“How was the brother?” Kara counters.

The answer is instant.

“Psychotic.”

Kara knows this word well. Alex uses it every time she rants about the crimes committed by Lex Luthor.

“His mother.”

The woman offers a soft laugh and nod, understanding coloring her features. Then she stands, it would seem abrupt if Kara had not heard the soft buzzing from the phone in her pocket.

“I’m L.”

Kara almost shrinks at the sound of “El”, but instead she chooses to smile widely at the offered name. 

“I’m K.”

L smiles back, smaller but there.

“Next week?” She asks.

Kara nods in affirmation. “Next week.”

***

When Kara re-enters the tiny apartment nearly two hours later, she crawls into bed beside a half-asleep Alex. Her new sister is not a cuddlier, but Kara nuzzles in close to her anyway.

“You ‘kay?” Alex questions sleepily. Not even bothering to shove Kara away as usual.

“He called me his equal but greater than.” Kara pushes closer against Alex’s nearly still form. “A math joke, I guess.”

When Kara feels Alex stiffen against her, she knows that she understands. Has connected her “better half” comment with the affectionate phrase.

Alex releases a full yawn before wrapping her arms around Kara in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry about Van.” Her sleepy voice is a bit clearer.

Kara hums a, “Thank you.”

***

Lena is late for work. She spent way too much time talking to the stranger who had invaded her park bench.

As soon has she steps through the elevator leading to her private floor and office, her assistant Jess is following Lena into her office.

“Ms. Luthor.”

“Jess.”

Their usual minimalistic greeting.

“I left several contracts on your desk to sign. There’s also a proposal from Lord Tech as well.” At that Lena scoffs, she’d never give that man the time of day. “I also pushed back your meeting with Nigel and Baker this morning until tomorrow morning.” At that statement, Jess gives Lena a pointed look.

Yes, she was unusually late. Without telling Jess as well.

“Thank you, Jess. Next time, I’ll make sure to inform you that I won’t be here on time.”

Jess shakes her head lightly.

“Are you okay, Ms. Luthor?”

It’s bold of Jess to question her boss like this. But, Jess has existed in Lena’s life for a very long time. If Lena weren’t paying her, she’d consider her assistant her oldest friend.

The smile Lena produces is not one that gives Jess any comfort. It’s a signature Luthor smirk, one Lena often has after telling off the board or finalizing a difficult merger.

“You suggested I go to therapy, right?” The Luthor smirk persists.

Jess holds her stare in challenge. “Yes.”

“Well, that’s what I’m doing.”

Is it a lie? Probably. But, Lena is sitting on a chair (well, bench) and she is telling a listening ear about her life’s problems.

So, is it really a lie? Lena definitely knows the answer.

Jess still stares, a skeptical look in her eyes. Lena watches as she produces that tablet of hers and knows what to expect next.

“Okay, great!” Jess exclaims excitedly. Lena suddenly feels a bit guilty. “Will your times always be Wednesdays from 6am to 7am?”

Lena nods slowly. Technically, she’d been out of the house since 4am. K happened to arrive at 5:30, 30 minutes before her usual arrival time.

“Good. What’s your therapist’s name?”

Lena should have seen this coming.

“K.”

“Dr. Kay?” Jess repeats back with a raised brow.

“Yes, Dr. K.”

Jess continues to enter information into her tablet and it doesn’t take long for Lena to feel a buzz against her side.

She checks her phone and there it is.

**_Appt. with Dr. Kay_ **

**_Wednesdays (on-going)_ **

**_6am-7am_ **

“2 years?” Lena questions. Jess shrugs.

“You never know.” And before Lena can respond, she’s back in assistant mode again. “You have a meeting with B-Lab in 20 minutes. Just a status report on that latest robotics project. Shouldn’t be too long.”

“Thank you, Jess.”

Jess is leaves and Lena is left with the reality of what just happened.

She lays her head down on the cold glass of her desk and groans.

Why didn’t she just find an actual therapist?

***

Later, Jess cannot find a single therapist named Dr. Kay in National City.

What was her boss up to?

***

Lena watches as K’s head is thrown back in a full laugh. She desperately and quickly suppresses how much she likes the sound.

“He did what?” K asks through a fit of laughter.

Lena grins fully now.

“He developed a serum to make all of her hair fall out and then put it in her sweet tea. She wore a wig for a year before her hair fully grew back.”

She’s always loved this story. The one where her older brother loves her and seek revenge in her honor, against his mother.

When K finally settles, she asks, “Why did he do it?”

“When I first came home, she took my stuffed bear. It was the last thing I had that my mother gave me.”

K nods solemnly and Lena is regretful that she’s taken the woman’s joyous laughter away.

“My husband’s mother took all of my books, said that I could no longer study or leave the house. My maid didn’t speak my language, but she’d do small things to bother my mother-in-law every once in a while. It made me feel like someone cared for me.”

“Your mother-in-law sounds like a bitch.”

“Well, your mother-”

“Step-mother.” Lena corrects. She may have been adopted and Lillian may legally be her mother, but she tired of calling her that. Especially, after the latest “Lex attempts murder” incident she was just expected to forgive.

“Well, your step-mother,” She notices K falter at the curse. “she’s not very nice.”

Lena actually laughs at that.

“I once really wanted my mother’s approval.” A slip. Always a slip somewhere. “I worked very hard. It took me a very long time to realize that it wasn’t going to happen. Still, sometimes, I really just want her to accept and love me.”

Lena shivers with the feeling of giving too much, sharing too many intimate details about herself.

“At first, I wished that my mother had loved me enough to stop it. Then, I hoped that maybe my mother-in-law would be happy with me.”

K shrugs and Lena understands completely. The feeling of giving too much lessens a bit, somehow she feels lighter.

“My brother did something horrible.”

“The psychotic thing?” K asks and Lena chuckles softly.

“Yes, the psychotic thing. He…He also tried to hurt me.”

Lena swears that she can see something that resembles anger flash in K’s eyes. But, it’s gone quickly and she’s unsure.

“I knew that seeking their love and acceptance was useless then.”

K nods.

“And you?” Because Lena knows that K too reached her breaking point with the mother-in-law.

“The birth of my son.”

Green eyes blink rapidly in surprise as blue eyes hold steady.

Before Lena can even process what was stated, K is on her feet.

“I have to go to work early today.” Lena stands as well, it’s the same for her too. “Thanks for…” Anxious hands wave around in an odd gesture. Lena just offers the blonde a smile.

“Yes, thank you.” She responds back.

“Next Wednesday, same time?”

Lena nods.

And then they’re off.

***

Alex is returning from her third long night shift of the week when she joins Kara on the shaggy brown sofa that takes up most of their tiny living room area.

“How was Dr. Elner?” Alex questions as she plops down on the couch.

Kara smiles happily. “Good.” Then she’s up. “Going to get ready for work.”

Alex watches with skeptical eyes as Kara heads to her bedroom to change. She checked and knows for certain that no therapists by the name of Dr. Elner exist in the entirety of National City.


	3. Chapter 2

“Did you love your husband?”

Kara can understand why L asks the question. But, she still laughs. Loudly. The very thought of loving Lar-Gand, now known as Mon-El and Mike, was laughable. Never. 

“You only ever mention the mother-in-law being…well, a crazy bitch.”

“Lar-Mike, he wasn’t that bad. He slept around quite a bit, but I never had any interest in being with him that way and was never hurt by it. We had a talk early on and understood exactly what our marriage would be.”

It was all true. Lar had a long history of sleeping his way through half of Daxam’s capitol city. Not to mention some of the palace staff, as well as foreign visitors. However, even though he was a bit boisterous and immature, he did respect Kara’s boundaries.

“He left me alone,” Kara continued. “We lived in separate wings of our shared home and it was like we led totally different lives.”

Of course the separate wings of the house thing came after Kara had walked in on Lar bedding two servants in their originally shared wing. But, the Daxamite did pack-up his things and move to the other side of the house the next day. So, she’ll give that he did try to stay out of her way.

L hesitated a moment, thinking through how to say exactly what was on her mind.

“The…your son. How?” L clearly thinks brevity is best when asking this of Kara.

Kara’s eyes close and she takes a deep breath in. Releases it slowly. She does this 3 times before she feels a hand on her shoulder. A warm, soft, weight.

“It’s okay,” L says gently as their eyes meet, Kara’s showing evident distress. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

A forced marriage, a man she had no desire for and then a baby. Kara can only assume that L thinks she had been raped.

And it's sort of like she had been. Being forced to marry Lar and then not even knowing the boy even existed until his birthing chamber was cracked open and he was dropped into her arms. Pale blue eyes, a wisp of hair that would grow into sunlit curls, and a quiet stare.

Kara decided to play it as safe as she could.

She shrugs, as if none of this is a big deal, and tries to give L her best reassuring smile. It feels like a grimace on her face.

“He was barely there for that too. Not for the birth and not for his naming ceremony a few weeks later either.” Kara offers L a wry smile, this one genuine, and a laugh. “Rhea didn’t like the name I picked, and she threw a vase at Mike when he just shrugged at her attempts to get him to change it.”

L laughs too.

“Good.” She hesitates one more time but goes for it anyway. “What did you call him?”

Kara thinks for a moment about how to obscure the boy’s Kryptonian name. She quickly decides it doesn’t matter.

“Val.”

*******

Lena is having a terrible day.

After her “therapy session” with “Dr. Kay”, she had to endure 1 board meeting and 3 team meetings. The board meeting went well enough. A room full of old men, who had been at the company decades longer than her, who didn’t trust her judgement, and who questioned all of her decisions. They were a PIA, but still it went well enough.

The team meetings.

Robotics had an explosion early in the day. The meeting only seemed to involve the 3 engineers blaming each other for a sorting machine’s failure and a lot of finger pointing. An hour later and Lena had a huge headache.

Pharmaceuticals were doing well but moving dangerously slow as they neared a deadline. Lena was certain that she would need to reevaluate the chemists working in that group. There seemed to be more fooling around than actual work being done.

The last team meeting was with marketing. No, she couldn’t be more likeable. She’s a Luthor and what they had now was going to be as likeable as it was going to get.

When Lena finally reached her desk again, she sank down into her chair, closed her eyes and dragged her hands down her face with a long, low groan.

“Everything okay, Ms. Luthor?”

Jess had appeared out of nowhere. Usually, Lena seemed to be lighter and more relaxed after her therapy sessions. Therapy sessions Jess still wasn’t sure were real or not yet.

Lena weighs her options for a second. She decides on honesty.

“No.” She sees the worry form in Jess’ eyes. “Clear my afternoon. I’m going to take a walk. Maybe speak with Dr. Kay again.” Lena hopes by some miracle that K is at the park.

“Of course, Ms. Luthor.”

Jess disappears again.

Lena signs the remaining documents on her desk and begins to gather her things.

As she’s heading out, Jess speaks again.

“Ms. Luthor, I know that you’re my boss, but I do care about you and I do want you to be happy.” It takes a lot for Jess to say this. Lena doesn’t really intimidate her anymore but she’s still her boss.

“I know Jess.” She really should give the woman a raise. “Even if I’m a stubborn ass about it sometimes.”

Jess smiles, looking elsewhere. “I neither confirm or deny your second statement.”

That earns a laugh from Lena.

“Really Jess, thank you.”

“You're welcome.”

It’s several moments before Lena is gone in the elevator and Jess begins to gather her own things. She almost feels guilty for what she’s about to do next.

Jess is happy that Lena has seemed happy and lighter these last couple of weeks. But, Dr. Kay doesn’t exist. And she needs to know exactly is going on with her boss.

She leaves through the stairwell and hopes she’ll still be able to spot Lena outside. Headed to wherever she meets this “Dr. Kay”.

"God, I hope my boss isn't on drugs."

***

**_Winn:_ ** _Kara just left work early. She was in the middle of writing a piece and just…stopped._

Alex doesn’t have the heart to tell Winn that she’s parked outside of Catco and saw Kara exit 2 minutes ago.

**_A:_ ** _Thanks Winn, I’ll check on it and see what’s up._

**_W:_ ** _NP! Let me know how she is._

**_A:_ ** _Will do_

And then Alex finds herself following Kara to Great National Park. She finds herself watching Kara take a seat next to a dark-haired woman on a park bench facing an empty pond. She’s a bit shocked when she sees Kara wrap an arm around the woman and the woman rests her head on Kara’s shoulder.

“Is the blonde yours.”

Alex is so caught up in the moment, she hadn’t heard the stranger’s approach. She turns to face a young, petite Asian woman. Who’s also watching Kara and…whoever the other woman might be.

“I’m Jess and I guess that’s Dr. Kay.” Jess states as she meets the auburn-haired woman’s stare.

“Alex. Dr. Elner?”

Jess bursts into laughter. “Wow."

“Let me guess, you suggested therapy, and this is what you got?”

“Actually, yes.” Jess answered and then scoffed. “I knew she wasn’t going the moment it came out of her mouth.”

Alex nodded in agreement. “Same. Mine doesn’t even have insurance, nor the income.”

“I’m her personal assistant. Who probably cares a bit too much, but someone has to.” Jess offers.

Alex smiles at that. “The dutiful older sister. Who probably is a bit more over protective than I should be.”

Jess and Alex turn back to Kara and Lena. From this angle they can see that the two are talking by their barely visible lip movements, but not their full faces.

“She’s been really happy. Like, much better than before.” Alex states, still staring at the two. 

Alex can remember a particularly ugly Red-K incident where she expected to forcibly contain and quarantine Kara, only for the God-like woman to cry for 3 hours straight before passing out.

“Her too. Definitely a bit more relaxed after their ‘sessions’.” Jess eyes Alex wearily. Alex feels for the woman, this is exhausting. “I’m not really sure what to do here and it’s literally my job to stay on top of things.”

Alex pulls out her phone and offers it to Jess. “Why don’t we stay in contact and keep each other updated?”

Jess nods slowly. If she's a bit unsure, she doesn’t show it. “Okay.”

They go back to watching “therapy” before deciding to depart 10 minutes later. They plan to meet for coffee in a week or so, to discuss whatever in the world is going on between the two crazy women in their lives.

***

“I’m tired.” Lena nuzzles further into K’s shoulder. Enjoying the warmth of the other woman’s body. “It’s not even anything out of the ordinary. Just typical work stuff.”

“What do you do?” K asks. Her hands smooth up and down Lena’s shoulder in a soft caress.

What doesn’t she do? ‘Cause Lena does a lot. She likely cannot say that she is currently the CEO of LuthorCorp because her brother went crazy, tried to kill Superman, and ended up killing hundreds as a result of that idiotic plan.

“I’m an engineer. Mostly in biomedical type things.”

It’s somewhat the truth. Not so much these days though.

“What do you do?” Better that Lena avoid talking about her own work too much.

“I’m a writer. I do some advice column work and a few fluff pieces each week.”

Lena remembers something.

“Was that the profession your father and your former fiancé's father shared? Writing?”

K shakes her head. “No. We were scientists. I-I wasn’t allowed to study after my marriage to Mike.”

“You mentioned that Rhea took away all of your books. Text books I’m guessing?”

“A lot of them.” K sighs. “I wasn’t really allowed to leave much at all. Definitely not for school. I did sneak out once.”

Lena looks up from K’s shoulder with a grin. “Oh really?”

K laughs. “It wasn’t a big deal. There was a popular lecturer coming to university at the city’s capitol. He was going to be talking about transmatter portals and probably was not going to be coming back again.”

“Transmatter portals?” Lena stares openly now. Her gaze never leaving K’s, she can see the nervousness growing in blue eyes. Like she’s said far too much. “That’s a big deal.”

In fact, Lena cannot think of a single scientist on Earth who’s even researched or talked about the development of transmatter portals. She can feel K stiffen against her, so she changes course.

“He must have been an incredible scientist, definitely one worth sneaking out for.”

“He was.” K sounds wistful, like everything happened a lifetime ago.

“So, you snuck out to see this lecture and I’m guessing Rhea was not too happy.” Lena doesn’t need to guess. She already knows. The mother-in-law never seemed happy.

“Nope! I was dragged back home by guards when they found me in the lecture hall. I was trapped in my room indefinitely for a few weeks. I wish she’d beaten me instead, at least it would've been over with in a few minutes.”

“I know that feeling. My step-mother could be very cruel, but she never hit. Sometimes I think it would have been easier if she had.”

It silent for only a beat before K asks, “Have you ever snuck out?”

“A few times after I was sent to boarding school.” A soft small graces Lena’s lips. “To stargaze though, nothing as cool as you.”

Lena can feel the alarm in her pocket begin to buzz. She cleared her afternoon meetings, but still should head back to LuthorCorp to check on her personal projects.

“Do you need to get back to work?” She realizes that K must be able to feel the buzzing coming from her pocket.

“Not yet.”

K pulls her closer, wraps her arms around Lena tighter. Lena buries herself deeper into the embrace.

In the back of her mind, Lena worries that this might be dangerous.

***

**_A:_ ** _Winn mentioned that you left work early. Everything okay?_

**_K:_ ** _I’m good now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the last update until next week. I'm a chemistry teacher and things usually become crazy from Sunday-Friday, haha!


	4. Chapter 3

It’s a cold Wednesday, when L finally asks the question. Both are bundled in thicker coats and gloves as the winter weather full sets in. Kara superficially of course.

“What was it like being a mother?” At this point, Kara knows that L has discerned that Val does not exist anymore. “I mean,” L stops short, unsure of how to really ask.

“It’s okay.” Kara is quick to reassure her. “I…”

Kara doesn’t really know where to begin. How does she really describe it?

Does she start at the beginning? When the wriggling mass, the small blue-eyed baby boy was placed in her arms for the first time?

She was 19 and clueless.

Queen Rhea had set-up a nursery, close to her own quarters of course. Kara knows that if she could’ve gotten away with never telling her about the baby she would have. But the birthing chamber needed Kara and Lar to unseal it. So, the queen could not have her way this time.

Instead of that, Kara had taken the baby to her own bed. She curled up around him and stroked his tiny cheek as he quietly slept. Rhea be damned.

She was 19 and very stubborn.

When he woke, the baby cried all through the night. She rocked and shushed, fed him several of the bottles brought in by servants. Until finally, she just laid him down on the bed and stared into similar blue eyes as he screamed.

“Please,” Kara had begged. She thought a moment. “Please, Val-El.”

And he quieted instantly.

“Val-El.” She cooed again, stroking his cheek with her thumb again. Soon, he was sleeping.

Queen Rhea threw a massive fit when she heard the boy’s name for the first time.

Lar-Gand had only shrugged. “Eh, I like it.”

Does she talk about the middle? When Val’s hair grew into long blond ringlets, his eyes a soft pale blue, and those chubby hands, cheeks, and feet?

The way the world had opened up. Those visits to the garden, the market, the library. Pointing at everything and naming it. Bouncing the boy on her hip and tossing him into the air just to hear him giggle. Those moments she felt free, despite the two guards at her rear. Observant spies for her always watching mother-in-law.

She can remember those days she’d wake in the morning and she would watch his still sleeping face as Rao slowly rose. She can remember when he slowly opened his eyes and blue stared into blue. He’d raise a chubby hand and pull her nose, just to see her face scrunch up. He would break into huge grins and release peals of excited laughter.

Does she recount those days she and Ahn-Am, her maid and a slave woman, would twirl him around the room as they danced to and sang songs from Krypton and Ahn’s little orange moon a galaxy away?

Or does she go right to the end? That last little moment in the garden, with the light of Rao shining down on them. Kara holding Val’s frail and dying form in her arms as she rocked him with the erratic speed of a mother who knew her child was lost to her.

She remembers when his little eyes opened for the last time. Those quiet blues looking up at her as his lips curved just a little. It reminded her of those times he would hide and call out, _“Ieiu, Ieiu find me!”_

She remembers the feeling of his chest heaving against her hand, as he took that last stuttering breath and his eyes fluttered closed.

She remembers when his rapid heartbeat finally slowed and stopped against her fingertips.

And the raindrops she thought were falling on his tiny face? Tears she had not known that she’d wept.

“K?” L is looking at her worried, Kara knows that she’s probably been silent way too long.

“It was interesting time in my life.” L is giving her a curious look, something that borders on skeptical. “Sometimes it feels like a dream.” This is true. That life seems so far away.

L nods, she looks like she wants to say something else, but stops.

“I-I was his mother and I failed him.”

That’s it really. Kara had failed. She failed as a daughter, a mother, and later as a protector of her cousin and Krypton’s culture. Kara had failed.

“For a long time,” L startles Kara as she nearly spirals. “I was very mad at my mother for dying. For leaving me and for me having to deal with my father, step-mother and later my brother. I was so angry. For a long time, I thought that she’d failed me and ruined my life. I hated her for dying. There’s more to it, but this a part that’s made me hurt for a long time.”

L breaths in and out slowly and then she looks up at Kara like she’s realized something for the first time. A calmness takes over her features, like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.

“But, I know that she loved me. That she would have done everything in her power to keep me safe. And she did that for as long as she lived. I don’t hate her. I’m sad now, but I know she didn’t fail me, that she didn’t ruin anything.”

Kara is pulled in fierceness of L’s green eyes. She only looks down when she feels L’s hand grasp her own and squeeze.

“I don’t know what happened with Val. But, I’m sure you loved him for as long as you had him. You did what you could with what you had and that’s not failure.”

Then Kara feels it too. The heaviness in her chest easing just a bit.

She pulls L into a tight hug. The other woman freezes before she relaxes and buries herself into the embrace.

“Thank you.” They both whisper into each other’s shoulders.

*******

**J:** Dr. Elner just got to work. She’s practically skipping and asked if I wanted to have lunch with her.

 **J:** She suggested Big Belly Burgers

 **J:** I’ve had her salad order memorized for the last 5 years

 **J:** Are you sure your sister isn’t selling my boss drugs?

 **A:** Well, Dr. Kay was just twirling me around our VERY tiny kitchen while singing Taylor Swift

 **A:** Are you sure your boss isn’t selling my sister drugs?

 **J:** TBH, your sister probably couldn’t afford the drugs my boss would be selling.

 **A:** Uh, what???

 **J:** Nothing

 **A:** Mmhmm

*******

Her relationship with Dr. Kay? It’s definitely dangerous. Lena knows that for certain now.

She spends half her day thinking about blonde hair and bright, soulful blue eyes framed by black glasses. The other half is spent thinking about the woman’s scent. She should not have buried her face in K’s shoulder or sank so fully into the other woman’s hug.

Damn, why did she have to smell like lavender fields and sunlight?

Lena found herself laying her face down on her desk and groaning for the 5th time that day. 

Of course, Jess appeared out of nowhere.

“Ms. Luthor, are you doing okay.”

Lena lifted her face from the desk instantly.

“Hi Jess,” Lena considered Jess for a moment, much to the other woman’s unease. Maybe this embarrassing moment could be useful. “Sit please.”

Jess’ eyes grew comically wide as she stared at Lena.

Lena gestured to the black chairs in front of her desk. “Sit please.”

Her still shocked assistant sat down awkwardly.

“Something that you need?” Jess questioned, looking everywhere but at Lena.

“It’s not…inappropriate to like your therapist a little bit. Is it?”

Lena figured she might as cut to the chase. Plus, she enjoyed seeing Jess squirm a bit.

“Well,” Jess started but was quickly cut off.

“It’s not like I intend to act on it.”

“I mean,” Jess tried again, but found she got the same result.

“Besides, I can get over this. I’m Lena Luthor for god’s sake, I can definitely do better than my therapist.”

Jess didn’t bother pointing out that “Dr. Kay” wasn’t her actual therapist, just a stranger she’d probably met on a park bench. Every Wednesday (and now other days), at the same time. While they worked through issues with a person they barely knew. Wow, they were weird.

“Jess, did you hear me?” Lena’s eyes squinted as she glared at Jess a little. “Are listening to me?”

“Of course, Ms. Luthor. You have a crush on your therapist, but you can get over it because you’re a Luthor.” Jess stated cheekily.

“And I was wondering how to ask her for her number.”

Jess cocks a brow. “You don’t already have her number?”

Shit. Lena realizes she’s slipped up.

“I mean her personal number.”

“There’s a perfect way to do that.” Jess stands and heads towards the door.

“How?” Lena asks, trying to keep the clear desperation out of her voice.

Just before she’s out of the door, Jess turns back to a frowning Lena. “You could just ask her.”

The door closes, and Lena’s face is pressed firmly into her desk again.

*******

“I…can I have your number?”

Lena has begrudgingly concluded that Jess is right. That maybe this is the easiest and the quickest way to get what she wants.

“For communicating.” Duh. “Like, if one of us is not going to make it, if we might be late, or, or an accident.”

K laughs, and Lena tries to breath. “Okay.”

Lena opens her phone and starts a new contact. “You can add yourself if you want.”

K does just that.

When the phone is handed back, Lena stares at it in shock.

She looks up, testing the name in her mind before she finally speaks it aloud.

“Kara.”

The other woman smiles shyly and nods.

“Kara.” Lena repeats.

*******

“Hey!” Kara looks up from her tiny desk and offers Winn a smile. “Want to grab lunch together?”

Kara adores Winn. His friendly demeanor and playfulness remind her of Van-Ar. He’s a dorky man who enjoys discussing all types of tech, games, and sci-fi with her. It’s like Van’s constant chattering as they worked side-by-side in the novice Science Guild lab in Argo City.

“Sure! I’m almost finished here.” She’s working on a fluff piece about the opening of a bakery in Upper National City. It’s a specialty doughnut shop that specializes in making yummy dairy and gluten free treats.

Winn perches on her desk and tosses a stuffed bear from Metropolis back and forth in his hands. A gift from her cousin Kal’s wife Lois.

“Still working on the bakery piece?”

Kara nods and pushes her black glasses up further on the bridge of her nose.

“And done!” She’s glad that for once her keyboard doesn’t crack as she excitedly hits save.

“Nice, let’s go.” Winn hops off her desk and waits.

“You go ahead, I’ll grab my stuff and be right up.”

Before Kara can shove her phone into her purse, it lights up.

**_Unknown Number:_ ** _Hi_

**_UN:_ ** _This is Lena_

**_UN:_ ** _From the park_

Kara smiles instantly. “Lena.” She says to herself and her smile grows wider.

**_K:_ ** _Hello, Lena from the park. This is Kara._

*******

“What’s the other part?” Kara asks. It’s another sleepy morning with Lena buried in her shoulder as they stare out at the quiet pond.

“The other part?” Lena questions softly.

“You mentioned that you were angry at your mother, but that wasn’t the only thing you felt about her death.”

Lena nods against her.

“I watched her die. I froze as she drowned and didn’t call for help. I was 4, but I wish I could’ve done more.”

“I’m sorry.” Kara’s voice is solid, firm. “I’m sorry that you were there, that you had to watch. It wasn’t your fault and I know she didn’t blame you for it.”

Lena as never heard anyone say that. 

“I think I know that now. But thank you for saying it Kara, I think it’s something I’ve needed to hear for a very long time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself, but now really I'm done until next Saturday or so.   
> This is also the last of my short chapters, the end of Part 1, and we're moving away from the sort of Lena/Kara bubble for a bit.


	5. Chapter 4

**_A:_ ** _Your boss is Lena Luthor_

**_J:_ ** _Yeah and you’re Alex Danvers with the FBI (?)_

**_A:_ ** _What? How did you know that?!_

**_J:_ ** _I searched your number in google and found you on white pages_

**_J:_ ** _Then I took the only Alexandra that came up and searched that too_

**_J:_ ** _Your LinkedIn photo is cute_

**_J:_ ** _You should probably have yourself unlisted from white pages_

**_A:_ ** _Probably_

**_A:_ ** _Your boss is Lena Luthor_

**_J:_ ** _And?_

***

“You need to speak to Kara.” Alex knows this is a long shot and felt the slow creeping irritation before the conversation even began. “It’s been, what? 6 months? Maybe more.”

Clark already seemed exasperated as well. He ran a large hand through his short black hair; blue eyes avoided everything but the walls. He almost seemed small in his Superman suit.

“I know it’s been awhile, but you know that I can be very busy.”

“Make some time.” She doesn’t mean to sound so forceful. “Val, Van, Krypton, I think it’s all hitting her pretty hard.” That’s the understatement of the year. “Not to mention Lar-Gand popping up.”

“Mon-El.” Clark says almost instantly.

The correction is met with a hard eye-roll. “Sure Kal.”

“Alex.”

“She’s your cousin Clark and she’s been through a lot.”

Alex contemplates mentioning Lena Luthor. On one hand, Lena Luthor is a Luthor. The reality is that no matter how nice or how different the woman is, she’s still connected to Lex and Lillian Luthor. The former being a psychotic and convicted serial killer and the latter being nothing but shady. On the other hand, Lena Luthor is the first person who’s made Kara smile in a long while. And Lena is different. Alex knows this from her contact with Jess. The crazy, but caring assistant.

Ultimately, she decides that keeping Clark in the dark is for the best.

“Look, you dropped Kara off on my mother’s doorstep without a second thought. The least you could do was offer her a listening ear more than every 6 months or so.”

Despite Clark being 6ft plus and literally hovering over her 5’4, Alex does not back down.

“Even if it’s in shaky Kryptonian.” Alex can’t resist that one last dig.

Clark sighs deeply and finally looks at Alex. She can see the full extent of his exhaustion in one look that passes so quickly, she almost feels like she imagined it.

“I don’t know if I’m really of any use here.” He begins, and Alex already knows where this is going. “I grew up here. I thought I was human until I was nearly 16. I may know about Krypton and its language and culture. But I am Kryptonian in name only.”

“Really, Kal-El?”

He shakes his head. “Look, I used to feel very strongly about being Kryptonian. But…Kara is the only one of us who actually understands what it means to be Kryptonian and to lose Krypton. I can relate to losing a parent, but not everything else. We’re literally from two different worlds.”

“I think she was expecting the son of her uncle Jor and aunt Laura, not the son of Martha and Jonathan Kent.” He continues. “I’m not who she wants, and I can’t be what she needs.”

Alex understands this. She really does. There have been many moments since the introduction of “Dr. Elner” that she has grappled with her desire to be what Kara needs. To be a good sister. But always falling short because Kara’s life has truly been rough and there’s nothing in her life that comes close. She tries with everything in her though.

Still, Alex feels the need to lash out. That strong need to be angry at Clark for just giving up.

“But you can relate to Mon-El? The man who doesn’t care about his former wife and who wasn’t even there when his 3-year-old son died from Krypus Flu? You can offer a listening ear and support to that man?” She all but screams it.

Three agents, clad in black, stop at the top of the hallway. Alex and Clark freeze for a moment; the two had almost forgotten that they were standing in the middle of a hallway at the DEO. An empty, but well-lit and very public DEO hallway.

Alex concluded that she really needs to work on how she ambushes people during work hours.

“He doesn’t expect anything of me.” Clark states with a shrug. “He wanted a new life and a fresh start.”

She nearly growls, insult ready to be fired. Alex has held Kara as she broke down, sobbing for the boy.

Sometimes, for the golden-haired baby, Val. Alex has seen one picture of the tiny boy who resembles his mother greatly. In the photo, Val is smiling widely with dimples in each cheek.

Sometimes, for Van-Ar. The red-headed childhood friend, former betrothed, the man who stood with her at the very end. Alex has seen a photo of him too. Somewhere in Argo, in a lab, eyes that should be on a project focused solely on Kara.

Since meeting Lena, Kara’s nightmares slowed and then stopped. She smiled more often. Just because someone was listening. Something Clark refused.

Alex wants to tell Clark all of this. Insult him too, but that was a given. But she can’t find the words.

“Eliza was the best choice.”

He isn’t wrong, but it only serves to make Alex angrier.

Again, she wants to lash out. She breaths in and out slowly instead.

“Doesn’t mean you couldn’t be there for her.”

Alex finally walks away.

***

“So, you look like you’ve been hit by a bus.”

Jess almost feels bad for needling Alex the way she does. The other woman has obviously had a hard day. If it’s not the purple colored bags under Alex’s eyes or her wrinkled blouse that gives it away, it’s definitely the invite to a bar on a Wednesday night that does it.

“Hmm, really?” Alex asks between sips of scotch.

Jess eyes her up and down with a grin.

“Well, you’ve been nursing that cup of scotch since before I arrived,” Alex takes a quick glance at the amber liquid before her cheeks color. “and your clothes look like you just crawled out of bed and rolled around in an alley.”

Jess makes gestures to several yellow and brown stains on Alex’s green blouse and Alex almost groans. She can’t exactly tell the woman she lost a fight to an alien she and several other agents pursued half-way across the city.

“I was in the field today.” Is Alex’s only explanation. It’s the truth. Almost.

“Mmmhmm.” Jess hums as she takes a sip of her drink.

Alex rolls her eyes.

“I don’t even know how you drink that.”

Jess lifts her mudslide, there’s still a bit of whipped cream at the top, and takes a long, loud gulp.

“I don’t know how you drink that.”

“Leave my scotch alone, Huang.”

“Whatever you say, Danvers.”

At that, Alex does actually groan. Jess’ laughter rings as clear as bell.

“I really need to get myself unlisted.”

“You should.”

Jess really doesn’t feel like having another Dr. Kay/Dr. Elner talk tonight. It’s Wednesday and she really would like to unwind just a bit before heading back to work in the morning and continuing her weekend countdown. But, she knows bringing up the elephant in the room is inevitable.

“So, why are you so upset about my boss being Lena Luthor?” Alex almost seems startled by her statement. “She’s not her brother. Really.”

“I know that.” Alex is instantly on the defense. “But, I need to keep my sister safe.”

Jess scoffs. “And being…whatever they’re doing with Lena is somehow dangerous?”

“Look, I do think that Lena is a good person.” Alex really does mean it and Jess’ expression softens as she fully recognizes this. “Her brother and mother? Not so much. Lex may be away, but who knows what Lillian is up to.”

“Fine, Lillian is probably an issue.” Jess concedes. “She’s stopped by the office a few times and she’s surprisingly agreed with the board’s decision to change Lena’s status from Interim CEO to Acting CEO.”

“I know. My office has been watching her closely.” Alex knows she’s probably said too much, but at this point she knows it doesn’t really matter.

“God, this is a mess. Isn’t it?” Jess doesn’t wait for Alex’s response. “Will Lena be okay?”

Alex is always amazed by how much a personal assistant could care for her boss. Jess, she determines, is something special.

“We’re not watching her. But, as long as our eyes are on the LuthorCorp building, she’ll be safe.” Jess seems relieved. “You too.” And then Jess is smiling widely.

“Why thank you, Agent Danvers.”

“No problem, Ms. Huang.”

A moment of silence passes, where they listen to the soft sounds of an unidentifiable song from the semi-secluded position of their table at the back of the bar. The place is nearly empty. Aside from staff, there are only 3 other people sharing the space with them.

At the sight of a waitress with a purple mohawk, Jess waves her over, ending the moment.

“Want to split a chocolate cake?”

***

“How was Dr. Elner today?”

Alex has finally made it home after a very long day. Much to Kara’s delight, upon entry she immediately curls up with the other woman on the couch. Laying her head on Kara’s shoulder and laying close. Alex figures it’s the least she can do for the other woman after her earlier conversation with Clark. Someone’s got to be the decent family member. Even if Alex thinks she sucks at it.

Kara yawns a bit, pressing her cheek against Alex’s head.

“Good. We talked a bit more about family and the expectations that come with that.” Kara yawns again. “I feel like I can breathe a bit easier.”

“I’m glad Dr. Elner’s helping you so much.” She can feel Kara smile against her. “She seems pretty great.”

“She is.”

Alex thinks back to Kara and Lena holding each other on the park bench. The way Kara has spoken of her “therapist”.

She senses something more there but decides tonight is not the night.

It’s been a long day after all.

“I have to catch a flight tomorrow night and will be gone for the rest of the week. You’ll be okay without me?”

Alex can’t help but feel bad when Kara has to be left alone for a few days. But duty calls. It’s always, always calling. Much to Alex’s current distress.

“I’ll be fine.”

Kara doesn’t want to admit that sometimes she enjoys when Alex is away. The silence is usually the only time she can sit and think, stare at a wall and almost be nothing. No one looking at her with pity and concerned eyes.

Without prying eyes present, she can pull out the holodeck of photos. Pour over each one. Making sure she has not forgotten a single smile, dimple, crinkle in the brow.

She really needs the quiet sometimes.

“I’ll find some new movies to watch and order lots of take-out.”

“So, you mean movies and pot stickers?” Alex asks with a laugh. Again, she can feel Kara’s growing smile.

They head to bed a few minutes later.

***

On Thursday evening, Kara orders pot stickers and surfs Netflix trying to find something entertaining to watch. She texts Lena as she does so. Hoping, she might have some better suggestions than what Alex’s recommends offer. She already misses her sister, who by now should have already boarded her flight out of National City.

**_L:_ ** _Tiger King!_

**_K:_ ** _What’s that?_

**_L:_ ** _Noooo, not telling_

**_L:_ ** _Watch and find out, I promise you will regret it_

**_K:_ ** _Okay, going for it!_

**_L:_ ** _Excellent_

Kara is only five minutes into Lena’s very wild suggestion, when she hears terror filled screams break through her focus. The sound of a plane cutting through the air like a knife through butter is what jars her completely. She catches the increasingly rapid beat of Alex’s heart. 


End file.
